Okay, so it has been a while since i have written anything and honestly there cannot be a worse timing. I have my exam tomorrow and it would be better if i studied, but then again mind is a fickle thing which does not understand the constrains of exams or irony!
Demons. An incredible song by Imagine Dragons. In fact I am listening to it right now. We all have our demons, I know I do. In fact my number is more than the amount I would like to have. And for some reason, these seem to reproduce more demons, and they are eating me up. As cliched as it is, I do feel like a hollow shell. But then again, who doesn't?
College has to be an interesting stop in the journey called Life. And I will be honest it has been very interesting, in its own fucked up way. It has been quite interesting. But in the past 3 years, things have changed. drastic changes. I have changed. My mom slapped this fact across my face that I have in fact become a shallow little biyatch. (Those may not have been her exact words, but the thought was the same!) I have changed. And i am not proud of that person. I want to go back to being that one little girl who kept a book in her bag at all points, had things to talk about, knew things about things and was everything there was to be. But I have changed, and I am hating every moment of it, and now that it has been pushed in front of my face, I can't ignore it.
This is not what is bothering me, what really is the problem is that I can't seem to care about anything. Anything at all. I can't really pin point when it really started, but its been a while that nothing interests me, or irks me. Nothing. The other day, I had this scare that I had lost my phone but you know I didn't care.. I mean it didn't bother me. And this is a very small example. If I do try to care or think deep I have this extreme lethargy which makes me want to go to sleep. Even though it sounds ridiculous but its true.
I don't know how to make it go away! I am not able to read books, I am not able to write, I am not able to understand anything or relate to things. I don't know what is wrong and how do I fix this! Some might say that its mental or I am not feeling this way only imagining or something, but I don't think its like that.
I think I really need help but I don't where to go. What to do, where to seek help from? In fact I am not sure whether I really need help or its just my mind fucking with me.
-Ex.
Demons. An incredible song by Imagine Dragons. In fact I am listening to it right now. We all have our demons, I know I do. In fact my number is more than the amount I would like to have. And for some reason, these seem to reproduce more demons, and they are eating me up. As cliched as it is, I do feel like a hollow shell. But then again, who doesn't?
College has to be an interesting stop in the journey called Life. And I will be honest it has been very interesting, in its own fucked up way. It has been quite interesting. But in the past 3 years, things have changed. drastic changes. I have changed. My mom slapped this fact across my face that I have in fact become a shallow little biyatch. (Those may not have been her exact words, but the thought was the same!) I have changed. And i am not proud of that person. I want to go back to being that one little girl who kept a book in her bag at all points, had things to talk about, knew things about things and was everything there was to be. But I have changed, and I am hating every moment of it, and now that it has been pushed in front of my face, I can't ignore it.
This is not what is bothering me, what really is the problem is that I can't seem to care about anything. Anything at all. I can't really pin point when it really started, but its been a while that nothing interests me, or irks me. Nothing. The other day, I had this scare that I had lost my phone but you know I didn't care.. I mean it didn't bother me. And this is a very small example. If I do try to care or think deep I have this extreme lethargy which makes me want to go to sleep. Even though it sounds ridiculous but its true.
I don't know how to make it go away! I am not able to read books, I am not able to write, I am not able to understand anything or relate to things. I don't know what is wrong and how do I fix this! Some might say that its mental or I am not feeling this way only imagining or something, but I don't think its like that.
I think I really need help but I don't where to go. What to do, where to seek help from? In fact I am not sure whether I really need help or its just my mind fucking with me.
-Ex.
